Say you will

Yes this song is a Bella and Edward video but that is not the point. The point is the song, what it says, what it means to me.
I've waited so long to see him, so long to just hold him in my arms and know that it's real. To know that he is actually here. I know he is here but I haven't been able to see him to prove every last doubt in my heart. He said he'd see me within the first couple days of his arrival. I still haven't seen him. It's tearing me apart inside. It's bringing back all the ghosts my logic hides in the shadows. They sit and watch as I pull my heart out on a silver platter. It waits until I'm vulnerabe and waiting, when the final detail is so close but my vulnerability by waiting for it is even closer. It will strike, the ghosts will come and haunt me and I will want him more, but I will doubt him more. I almost doubt if I haven't imagined this past year that I've known him. I feel like maybe he doesn't exist. This reality I sit in doesn't exist. Why? Why? That horrible word that haunts my soul. I can't answer it. Only he can. He can answer that question, he can patch me up. He can lie to me, and say he will. He can show me everything that I've waited for. But I just haven't seen it yet. I've heard his words, I've dreamed the dreams, I've sat in the shadows and tortured my heart until I couldn't take it anymore just to see him. I even broke down on friday, I couldn't stop crying, it was an impossibility I swear. I just didn't understand why I couldn't see him and that was only after one day. I don't know where I'll be if I don't see him soon. I need him. It's almost like he is my drug and I am addicted. He truly is my reason to live it seems. And even though I will only be able to be 'friends' until I am 18. Only until January 2010 will I have to wait. But I at least need to see him, to touch him, to hear his voice in front of me and know that he really is there. He really is waiting for me.