The Sacrament-HIM (I <3 this song!)

The Sacrament
HIM
Love Metal
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I hear you breathe so far from me
I feel your touch so close and real
And I know
My church is not of silver and gold,
It's glory lies beyond judgment of souls
The commandments are of consolation and warmth


You know our sacred dream won't fail
The sanctuary tender and so frail
The sacrament of love
The sacrament of warmth is true
The sacrament is you


I hear you weep so far from me
I taste your tears like you're next to me
And I know
That my weak prayers are not enough to heal
All the ancient wounds so deep and so dear
The revelation is of hatred and fear


You know our sacred dream won't fail
The sanctuary tender and so frail
The sacrament of love
The sacrament of warmth is true
The sacrament is you


The sacrament is you
The sacrament is you
The sacrament is you
The sacrament is you


You know our sacred dream won't fail
The sanctuary tender and so frail
The sacrament of love
The sacrament of warmth is true
The sacrament is you


The sacrament is you
You know our sacred dream won't fail
The sacrament is you
The sanctuary tender and so frail
The sacrament is you
The sacrament of love
The sacrament of warmth is true
The sacrament is you

I am branded...forever his

I think of him, my body tingles, he touches my skin, I shiver, he kisses my lips, I quake. Everything about him I react to, I can't help but feel the pull he has on my heart. He used his lasso of charm and wrapped it around my heart, I've been pulled too close. So close to a point I don't want to be set free. I've been branded. Give me time and I'll show you what I mean, or I should say, give it time and you will feel what I mean. One day someone will come along and sweep you off your feet and you will understand what I mean by the lasso of charm, that you feel branded. The thing is, you are willing to be branded, you asked for it. You walked foward, arms outstretched, your wrists bared to the flame. You skin fresh to the seering pain that will come when he brands your skin. The difference her is that pain, that burning sensation that the burn brings, comes attached with the feelings of love, happiness, tingles, shivers, and wants. It burns into your skin and you watch, you watch as you change, but only enough to be his. You are still the you he fell in love with, the you he wanted your brand from. It's a give and take. You must cooperate in order for it to work.

You must risk, everything and nothing. They don't ask for you to give up a thing but you sacrifice it all. Only to realize when things get bad that you blame them for your sacrifices. They did not ask, you just did it. Don't do it, unless you know you won't fully blame them. I risk it all, each and everyday for him. He is my everything, I admit that.
I may not have the permission from the parentals, so technically I am single, but my heart is taken. I am not some little girl who can't think for herself. My heart has galivanted off and into his arms.

He holds me sometimes, and when he does I never want to move. I never want to feel anything else. He keeps me safe, he knows what I need, what I want. He knows that the blood in my veins races for him, it sprints faster everytime he gets close enough that I can feel his breath. I think he knows that with one little push I'd fall in love, and I'd never get up.
The only problem with this is my logic, I must have control of myself, the situation, and everything sometimes. The problem with falling in love is you don't have complete control, you must give some of it up in order to feel anything. I have given up some of my control and I scare myself with that lack of control more often than not.

I've given up on having control. I'm deciding now that I have fallen in love. I'm letting my heart control it. It's time now to realize this. We will find a way through it all. Even when I go away to college, even when everything changes because I'm not in school, or because we are both working, no matter what I will have him. Even if it's just as friends he will be in my life.

It's like what Meg from Hercules says:

"At least outloud I won't say I'm in love."

Except I can say it outloud. I can believe in it all.

I AM IN LOVE! I AM IN LOVE WITH NATHAN FERNANDEZ!!!

Say you will

Yes this song is a Bella and Edward video but that is not the point. The point is the song, what it says, what it means to me.
I've waited so long to see him, so long to just hold him in my arms and know that it's real. To know that he is actually here. I know he is here but I haven't been able to see him to prove every last doubt in my heart. He said he'd see me within the first couple days of his arrival. I still haven't seen him. It's tearing me apart inside. It's bringing back all the ghosts my logic hides in the shadows. They sit and watch as I pull my heart out on a silver platter. It waits until I'm vulnerabe and waiting, when the final detail is so close but my vulnerability by waiting for it is even closer. It will strike, the ghosts will come and haunt me and I will want him more, but I will doubt him more. I almost doubt if I haven't imagined this past year that I've known him. I feel like maybe he doesn't exist. This reality I sit in doesn't exist. Why? Why? That horrible word that haunts my soul. I can't answer it. Only he can. He can answer that question, he can patch me up. He can lie to me, and say he will. He can show me everything that I've waited for. But I just haven't seen it yet. I've heard his words, I've dreamed the dreams, I've sat in the shadows and tortured my heart until I couldn't take it anymore just to see him. I even broke down on friday, I couldn't stop crying, it was an impossibility I swear. I just didn't understand why I couldn't see him and that was only after one day. I don't know where I'll be if I don't see him soon. I need him. It's almost like he is my drug and I am addicted. He truly is my reason to live it seems. And even though I will only be able to be 'friends' until I am 18. Only until January 2010 will I have to wait. But I at least need to see him, to touch him, to hear his voice in front of me and know that he really is there. He really is waiting for me.