I think of him, I cry, I hear his name, I cry, I hear his voice and I break down. It's impossible to sustain sanity in a situation like this. I'm completely overwhelmed by the fact that I thought both of us needed the break, we both wanted it and in the end he didn't want or need it at all. I was the one who was unsure, I was the one who pushed him away from me. Why? I was branded, why'd I give up? It's like I carved the brand right out of my skin and handed it over. I don't understand why my body aches for him, I still want to be with him, I want to feel his lips pressed against mine. To feel his arms hold me tight. But I can't go backwards, now is the time to look forward but never forget. I've cried more this last week than I have in my entire life. It's almost a constant flow of tears. If people are around I hold it in. I hide, my mask of innocence and strength are up and no one sees my pain. But lock the door and close the blinds and that's when I fall apart. I'm so weak, my heart has shattered into a million peices and I'm the reason that he's gone. I couldn't do what I promised. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't be there for him the way he needed me. And for that I am deeply sorry. I wish I could just forget, wipe every memory out of my mind forever...no I don't what am I saying? Forget everything? I don't regret anything that happend between us. He was my light at the end of the tunnel, and instead of heading towards it I ran away. I turned around and left that tunnel, in consequence I was hit by the next upcoming semi which was labeled Logic and Reality Co. Can I really be so naive as to believe that it would have all fixed itself over time? Of course not. And now he has given up and there are no second chances. He's gone, but only to a certain degree. He is my friend, but this weekend with him over was akward. I shouldn't have said yes, I wasn't ready. I cried in my room, or in the bathroom, and he'd only be right down stairs. If he listend hard enough he probably could have heard my sobs. I'm a wreck but I cannot and will not go backwards. I am a strong independent woman. And for this reason is why I can stand on my own. He is my friend and in time my wounds will heal.